Participating in a 30 day writing challenge
and on comparing myself to others
I have setup this blog a few days back because I wanted to write online. Many people whom I look up to have repeatedly advised to start writing.
This is the first post of 30 day micro-blogging challenge started by Zoe a few days back. I originally wanted to write about my expectations from writing online as the first post. I will write it tomorrow, there’s something else I want to think about today.
I woke up feeling anxious this morning. It felt heavy & restricted in my chest. In fact, I have had many such mornings recently. Sometimes I would force myself back to sleep, sometimes I just lie there on bed staring at the ceiling for a while, and sometimes I would scroll twitter & instagram until my head aches. All of these are just different ways to avoid/escape from feeling a difficult emotion.
There are many things in my life right now that could be the reason for the anxiousness. But as I thought about it, I remembered that last night I saw a twitter post by someone a few years younger than me talking about the job market. He had seemingly all the credentials needed to get a good job. I compared myself to him, and thoughts of all the ways I’m not him came to mind.
Not the first time this happened. It always makes me anxious. I don’t think I’m any less capable than others. So, what’s the ideal way out of this? I want to know how to think about all this.
They say feelings and emotions are signals, looking past them I could tell that at the root there are insecurities. I think the reason I feel anxious when comparing myself to others is because I feel insecure about certain parts of my life. So thinking about my insecurities and figuring out ways to deal with them is a good way to cause a meaningful improvement of my life.
So, I will write about insecurities (and mine) in one of the upcoming blog posts.
As I read what I wrote here, I notice that parts of the essay doesn’t flow as naturally I’d want. But I think this is okay for someone who’s writing their first personal blog post online.